Two months ago I was in love.  I was in love with a man I thought was my Mine and Forever.  And then one day, I grabbed a cocktail with a girlfriend, got some weird texts, came home …. and my future husband was in our kitchen, with a bag, telling me it was over.

So when I started this blog, I had made the promise that I wouldn’t expose our personal issues, but then, well…..  ha, yeah.  He also promised me he’d be with me forever so …

Matt and I met on the subway on the way home from the US Open in 2010.  He saw me approaching, had a friend save a seat, and guaranteed his place in my life during the next 40 minutes/year of my life.  Then he got scared.  Then he left.

Whirlwind.  Magical.  Heartbreaking.

Wow.

So the things I’ve learned this week aren’t necessarily this week, or even this month.  I just think it’s about time I speak my mind.

1.  All you ever need to be is you.

2.  The only way to get over a break up is to listen to country music

3.  The only way to get over a break up it to NEVER listen to country music again

4.  Order a martini

5.  Keep calm, carry on, don’t forget to shower

6. Dead people on an airplane are weird.  Dead people not rushed off the plane for me to brown-nose, so cool/weird/morbid.

7.  It’s definitely not me, it’s you.

1. Flammin’ Hot Cheetos aren’t really that flammin’… unless you put your contacts in before washing your hands.
2. Two days, two runs, one Penn Badgley.  Seriously dude, thank you for the unsolicited motivation but you’re pushing my body to the limit.  I really wanted to stop at three miles and I think you’re following me.
3. Adele needs a boyfriend.
4. So I make coffee at home every morning.  Normal.  First I add TWO Splendas, then milk, then the coffee.  Apparently not normal?
5. Asian friends + Mexican beer = Comfort
6. If I’m in the mood to wear either my Ralph Lauren cashmere cape or my grey suede shoes it’s raining.  Or about to.  
7. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough.  Ever.  If they say you’re not good enough, they’re not good enough for you.
8. There are very few things more embarrassing than carrying a TJMaxx bag through the streets of Manhattan.
9. Susan Miller (astrologyzone.com) creeps me the f out.  Read at your own risk.
10. A wise man once said (Paulo Coelho), “Don’t waste your time with explanations:  people only hear what they want to hear”.

Two years ago today I woke up for the first time in NYC as a single woman.  I moved here in December 2007 to be with my boyfriend (vehemently denied at the time, yet we weren’t fooling anyone) and 22 months later it was time to say goodbye.  

I literally woke up to an entirely different world.  It looked brighter, crisper and somehow more in focus. It was exactly what I’d been dreaming of - 26, single, New York City.  Yet I’d always been a relationship kind of girl and I was SCARED.  When I walked out of “our” apartment on Bleecker for the last time my whole body went cold, my friend Jared had to hold my hand and needless to say, I needed a martini.  The next couple weeks were really hard.  I couldn’t sleep, I cried a lot, I drank too much and I listened to Concrete Jungle on repeat so many times it became the soundtrack to my nightmares.  I began to wonder, “is this REALLY what I wanted?!”

Not only was it what I wanted, but it was without a doubt what I needed.  I needed to cry, I needed to hurt and I needed to find my own way.  I needed an apartment with whistling pipes, I needed to go to Puerto Rico with someone later to be named Vom.com and I needed to let a smiley boy on the subway take me on a date.  

Looking back, I’m happy Sept.’09 Ashley didn’t know who/what/where Sept.’11 Ashley would be because it would have made the journey so much easier on the heart.  And what fun would that have been?

Ferris wheel on Broome St.

09.24.11